


Five Times James Bond Stole Felix's Girl (And One Time He Stole Felix)

by Hexiva



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Bisexuality, Flirting with women to get with a man, James Bond Is A Menace, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:46:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28222626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexiva/pseuds/Hexiva
Summary: The moment Felix is remotely interested in a girl, James swoops out of nowhere and steals her. It's getting infuriating.
Relationships: James Bond/Felix Leiter
Comments: 10
Kudos: 17





	Five Times James Bond Stole Felix's Girl (And One Time He Stole Felix)

  1. **Lilith**



The first time it happens, it isn’t a big surprise.

Lilith de Baudelaire is tall - taller than either of them, actually - smooth, blonde, and rich. She drinks champagne and drives fast cars and gambles for high stakes. 

Felix is on a mission tracing smuggled diamonds, and she has one on her finger. And she’s giving him the eye. James is there too, predictably winning big at poker. He has another girl on his arm, a dark Russian with piercing eyes, so Felix figures he’s out of the competition. Felix doesn’t usually go for girls like that - he’s found that when you get them in the bedroom, they have a tendency to start talking like the KKK - but he figures, what the hell. It’s for his country. Besides, she is a  _ knockout.  _

He edges up to her, and starts soliciting her advice on poker. “You’re a hell of a player,” he says, flattering her. “I’d like to pick up a few tips on my game.”

Ten minutes later, they’ve agreed to a tete-a-tete in her hotel room at 8 PM that night.

But when Felix shows up for their assignation, a bottle of champagne in his hand, he opens the door and finds James, naked and intertwined with Lilith in her bed.

And to add insult to injury, it turns out she doesn’t have the first clue where that diamond came from, either.

  1. **Sarah**



The second time is worse.

Felix is in the hospital after a mission gone wrong. He’s got a bullet wound in his leg, and he’s been assigned a long course of physical therapy, which he isn’t looking forward to. The one bright spot in his day is the nurse who’s taking care of him, a beautiful girl with dark skin and tightly-braided hair named Sarah Beckett. She has soft hands, a gentle voice, and she very clearly thinks he’s dashing, dangerous, and mysterious. She’s bored with her life, and she’s looking for a fling to liven it up. Felix is more than willing to play along. 

She holds his hand through the long recovery process, and they exchange numbers, planning to go on a proper date as soon as he’s out. Felix tells her about his favorite restaurant, how he’ll take her out there for a real night on the town.

And then James comes to visit him. 

Somehow, all it takes is one look exchanged, and Felix limps back from the bathroom to find James making out with Sarah in his own damn hospital room. 

He curses them out and requests a new nurse to take over his case.

  1. **Emily**



CIA Agent Emily Garcia is the kind of girl every spy hopes he’ll meet. It’s not that she’s especially beautiful - she’s average, and she’ll be the first to admit it - but she’s someone who understands Felix’s work. She got out of a long marriage five years ago, and now she’s just looking to have fun. No strings attached. Plus, she’s easy to talk to - funny, charming, cool. Felix could talk to her all night. He’s not in love with her, but if it weren’t for James, she’d be a real contender for his best friend. And, of course, they fuck like rabbits. 

And then, like clockwork, Felix gets assigned to a mission tracking a stolen nuclear weapon, along with Agent Garcia, and James is there. 

He isn’t even surprised when he opens a door and finds the two of them fucking in the laundry room of the place they’re staying at. He simply shuts the door, sighs, and goes back to his paperwork.

At this rate, he’s gonna be out  _ two  _ best friends. 

  1. **Nadia**



Nadia Solovyova is a bona fide damsel in distress. She used to be one of Putin’s top intelligence officers, before her transition. Now she’s persecuted in Russia, and defection seems like her only option. 

She’s done terrible things, but so has Felix. And her big blue eyes are so sad and lonely that he can’t help but give her a shoulder to cry on as he escorts her out of Moscow-controlled territory. She tells him her entire life story, the thrilling cases she worked on, the heart-rending persecution she faced from the country she gave everything for. They don’t even make it out of Russia before Felix kisses her.

And then, somewhere around Istanbul, James turns up. Felix wonders if he has some sixth sense for when Felix has a romance going on.

Not only does James steal her right out of his arms, but he somehow convinces her to defect to England instead of America, and give her intel to MI6. Felix fails his mission. 

“What is your problem?” Felix demands of James.

“If I told you,” Bond said, with that infuriating little smirk on his lips, “I’d have to kill you.”

  1. **Alex**



The fifth time it happens, Felix really thinks he’s safe. Sergeant Alex Taylor is a big, butch bi girl, the kind of woman who has trouble getting men into bed because they all assume she’s a lesbian. Not exactly James’s type. But she’s  _ exactly  _ Felix’s type. He’s always preferred to sleep with queer girls; he’s bi, himself, and he feels like he has more in common with them. A lot of them balk when they find out what he does for a living - but Sergeant Taylor is a military girl, special forces, a deadly sniper in her own right. She’s  _ perfect,  _ and they get on like a house on fire.

Until, of course, James Bond shows up. It’s not ten minutes before he’s showing her how to do some damn British trick shot with her rifle, sidling up behind her to wrap his arms around her and showing her how to aim. She falls head-over-heels for him. And somehow, despite Felix’s best efforts, he walks into a storage room on base and finds the two of them fucking.

This time, he makes them both get dressed and sends her off to her barracks, shooting daggers at him. He doesn’t care. This is between him and James. 

James buttons up his shirt and leans against the storage room wall, looking tousled and handsome. “You snooze, you lose, Felix,” he quips. 

“What the hell is your problem?” Felix demands. “Why is it that every time I express slightest interest in a woman, you’re suddenly all over her?”

A little smirk toys at the corner of James’ lips. “You haven’t figured it out by now?”

“No,” Felix snaps. “Explain it to me. What the hell are you playing at? Is this some sort of fetish? What do you  _ want?”  _

James steps closer, his eyes glittering. “What do you think I want?”

“I think you want to ruin my life,” Felix snaps.

James is very close now. “Wrong,” he says, very softly.

And then he puts a hand on Felix’s shoulder, leans in, and kisses him, hard and claiming.

Felix’s hand comes up to grab James by the tie and drag him closer, his other hand digging into James’ shoulder. He breaks the kiss for a moment to say, “You know, you really screwed me over here.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” James says breathlessly, and kisses him again.

A few hours later, they’re relaxing in James’s hotel room. Felix is pleasantly sore in all the right places, and James has beard burn all over his thighs.

“You really are an asshole, James,” Felix comments.

“I know,” James says, pulling Felix closer to lie against his chest. “It’s my only flaw. Will you go to dinner with me?”

“Only if you’re paying,” Felix says. “You owe me one.”

James leans down to kiss him. “I’ll pay you back,” he promises. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Rx for beta-reading this! And thank you, reader, for reading this. If you liked it, please leave a comment!


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